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Writer's pictureMaria Alda Gomez Otero

Redefining masculinity: finding authenticity in a changing world

#Masculinity is undergoing a profound transformation. As a female psychotherapist with more male clients than women, I witness first hand the emotional turbulence men are navigating. It’s a shift that goes beyond gender roles and reaches deep into the psyche, where old definitions of masculinity are breaking down, leaving many men unsure of what it means to “be a man” in today’s world. The confusion, isolation, and guilt they experience often go unspoken, but these emotions are real, and they are taking a toll.


We all carry within us both masculine and feminine energies—what ancient traditions refer to as yin and yang. The balance of these energies is fluid, constantly shifting in response to our environment and inner experiences. Yet, for many men, patriarchy has skewed this balance, leading them to suppress their feminine side, which manifests in qualities like receptivity, emotional expression, and vulnerability. In doing so, they may also distance themselves from their own humanity, reducing their ability to connect not only with women but with themselves and other men.


Masculinity in a changing world

The Weight of Guilt and Shame


A common thread I see in many of the men I work with is the weight of guilt and shame. Patriarchy has not only harmed women—it has also harmed men by conditioning them to be the enforcers of a system that is no longer serving anyone. Many men feel a deep, unspoken guilt about the damage that patriarchal systems have inflicted on women and the planet. They see the rising voices of women, the rightful demands for equality and respect, and feel both pride and discomfort. While they may wholeheartedly support these changes, they are also confronted with the painful reality that, knowingly or unknowingly, they have been complicit in perpetuating a system that has caused harm.


This guilt often manifests as internalised shame. Shame over not living up to the impossible standards of masculinity, which demands that they be strong, stoic, and always in control. Shame over not knowing how to express their emotions in a healthy way. Shame over the idea that they, as individuals, have contributed to the suffering of others simply by being part of a patriarchal system. These feelings can be overwhelming, and many men either suppress them or become stuck in cycles of self-criticism and isolation.


The Rising Power of Women


Another challenge for men in today’s world is adjusting to the increasingly powerful presence of women. As women step into roles of leadership, strength, and independence, men often find themselves unsure of where they fit. The traditional roles of protector and provider no longer hold the same meaning, and the once-clear divisions between masculine and feminine are dissolving. This shift can create a sense of insecurity, as men struggle to redefine themselves in a world where the old rules no longer apply.


For some men, this shift evokes fear—fear of being replaced, fear of losing relevance, fear of becoming unnecessary. It can also trigger a sense of competitiveness or defensiveness as they try to hold onto a sense of power or control. However, these reactions are often unconscious, rooted in deep-seated beliefs about gender and power dynamics. The truth is, this transition offers an incredible opportunity for men to explore new ways of being that are more balanced, authentic, and compassionate.


The rise of powerful women does not mean the fall of men. Instead, it invites men to redefine their strength, not as dominance or control, but as presence, emotional intelligence, and collaboration. Men can learn to honour their own vulnerability without seeing it as a weakness. They can support the empowerment of women without feeling diminished themselves. But to do so, they need to let go of the rigid roles that patriarchy has imposed on them.


The Challenge of Male Friendships


One of the most isolating aspects of this shift for men is the difficulty in forming meaningful relationships with other men. The traditional models of male friendship have often revolved around competition, shared activities, or surface-level conversations, rarely delving into the deeper emotional landscapes that many men crave to explore but feel uncomfortable doing.


As the old models of masculinity erode, many men are left wondering: what does it mean to connect with another man? What does male friendship look like in this new paradigm? Without clear models of emotional intimacy among men, many struggle to find a way to relate to one another that feels authentic and supportive. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, which are often exacerbated by the societal expectation that men must "do it alone" and solve their problems without asking for help.


Yet, the need for connection is universal. Men, like all humans, need spaces where they can be seen, heard, and understood without judgment. They need relationships where they can express vulnerability, fear, and confusion without fearing that they will be perceived as weak. This kind of emotional intimacy between men is not only possible but crucial for healing the wounds of patriarchy. It requires a conscious effort to move beyond the surface and into deeper, more meaningful forms of connection.


Redefining Masculinity


So, what does it mean to be a man today? This question often arises in the work I do with my male clients. The answer, I believe, lies in embracing both the masculine and feminine aspects of oneself. It means cultivating strength not through domination, but through vulnerability and presence. It means learning to sit with discomfort and uncertainty, rather than reacting to it with anger or defensiveness. It means exploring new ways of relating to oneself and others that are based on mutual respect, emotional honesty, and collaboration.


This is not an easy task. It requires men to unlearn much of what they have been taught about masculinity and to confront the parts of themselves that they may have been avoiding for years. It requires courage, introspection, and, most importantly, self-compassion. Men must learn to forgive themselves for the ways in which they have been shaped by a system that was not of their own making, and they must give themselves permission to grow into a new kind of masculinity—one that is flexible, compassionate, and deeply human.


Healing is a Collective Process


One of the most important things I believe in is that healing is never an isolated event. When men begin to heal the wounds of patriarchy within themselves, they also create the conditions for healing in their families, communities, and the world at large. This is the ripple effect of personal transformation. As men step into a more authentic version of themselves, they inspire others to do the same. They become role models for a new kind of masculinity—one that is not afraid of vulnerability, one that embraces emotional intelligence, and one that values connection over competition.


In a world that is rapidly changing, men have a unique opportunity to help shape the future. By embracing this moment of transformation, they can help create a new paradigm of masculinity that honours both the masculine and feminine aspects of being human. This is not just about individual healing—it is about creating a world where everyone, regardless of gender, can thrive.


Men are at a crossroads, and the path forward is not always clear. But by acknowledging their own struggles and seeking support when needed, they can begin to redefine what it means to be a man in today’s world. And in doing so, they can contribute to a larger movement of healing and transformation that will benefit us all.


Here is an interesting video: an interview with Gabor Mate who talks about his book "The myth of normal." Click on the link below:



You can also learn more about trauma in my previous article, "What is trauma."

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